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On a scale of 1-5: How good is my work?

1 - You need to make major improvements...
0
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2 - It's okay, but maybe you should proof-read it a couple of times and make improvements.
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3 - I still think you should make a few improvements, but it's good.
0
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4 - With one or two improvements, your work'd be the best!
1
25%
5 - I really like your work! I don't think there's any room for improvements!
3
75%
★ Off-the-scale! ★
0
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Nombre total de votes : 4

Messagepar Jet » 23 Nov 2013 19:50

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cоитєптs
      ▶ Dame Qui Murmure » Finished
      ▶ --------- » Finished
      ▶ --------- » Finished
      ▶ --------- » Finished

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        Dame Qui Murmure

    "Do you... remember it?"
    "Remember it? Oh yes, I remember it."
The old man mumbled through the tangle of his beard, and then sniffed.
"Of course I remember it. I may have been such a small lad, but even a lad smaller than I would have no issue remembering such a vital scene in the history of mankind." he chuckled, leaning forward to select another Digestive from the small coffee table in front of him. "Ah, yes, I was just eight, I think. That is the same age as you, yes? Are you interested in a story?"


        Part 1;

He grumbled, slowly managing to straighten himself in the bed. "I tell you, hospitals aren't half what they used to be. It's all medicine and cures nowadays. Why can't you just get a comfy bed and maybe breakfast on time?" he shook his head. "Forget the needles. Just the food, I think."
The boy blinked. "But Father, without the needles you won't get better!"
"There is a time for all things. Even She."
The boy looked down, silent for some time. Finally, he spoke. Very quietly, but he spoke indeed; "Please, Papa, can I hear Her story? Am I big enough yet?"
The old man laughed. "Oh, boy, it was never your size, it was my age. You know that, surely? You have no reason to fear Her. She is a miracle, not a threat. I just wanted to keep Her mine for as long as I could. I see now that there is no more time for Her to be mine. She will be yours, now."
"How do you remember Her? I mean, if it was so long ago: do you... remember it?"
"Remember it? Oh yes, I remember it."
The old man mumbled through the tangle of his beard, and then sniffed.
"Of course I remember it. I may have been such a small lad, but even a lad smaller than I would have no issue remembering such a vital scene in the history of mankind." he chuckled, leaning forward to select another Digestive from the small coffee tray on his lap. "Ah, yes, I was just eight, I think. That is the same age as you, yes? Are you interested in a story?"
"Oh, yes, Papa! Oh yes!"

Jet
 
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Messagepar étoile mélée » 30 Avr 2014 08:01

I really like this texte! I want to see more! :3
Continue the good work!
souvent absente car c'est la rentrée, et j'ai plus vraiment accès à l'ordi ^^'
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