G W Special Raffle ! o/ ! Results of the draw !

[Truffula]

Thank you so much for this lovely event I really enjoyed it, and I helped translate a story, and the stories are all so beautiful...

[Eliya]

Truffula, I saw that you received a creature with a sotry written in French. If you need some help to obtain a translation, I can help you if you want.

[Truffula]

Thank you, Eliya! Here is my creature I have received:

[Malwene]

Truffula:

Ma chère Gaïara
My dear Gaïara

En me promenant sur les rives du Kesuorith, j'ai vu la mer. Le flot impériale, l'écume des jours et l'écoulement des regrets. Je me suis souvenue de l'aulne et du rossignol puis je suis partie.
While walking along the shores of the Kesuorith, I saw the sea. The imperial waves, days' foam and the flow of remorses. I remembered the alder and the nightingale and then I left.

J'ai suivi les anémones, les ancolies et les lamiers qui longeaient le fleuve. Le vent faisait carilloner la jacynthe des bois et frémire l'ombelle de l'épervière. J'ai entendu la sittelle chanter puis je suis partie.
I followed the anemones, the columbine (flower) and the shrubs (no translation found for this) that were along the river. The wood hyacinth was chiming with the wind and the umbel was shrugging. I heard the nuthatch sing and then I left.

Je me suis enfoncée dans la forêt. Un daim brama langoureusement près de l'aubépine. J'ai entendue le soupir de la terre, la plainte de la bruyère cendrée puis je suis partie.
I got deeper into the forest. A deer bugled languidly close to the hawthorn. I heard the sigh of the earth, the complaint of the scotch heath and then I left.

Chaques patios embellisaient la Mère verte de ces pastelles naturelles, les corbeilles d'or, le charme et les hirondelles ! Il n'y avait plus de soucis...
Each patio was embellishing the green Mother with natural pastels, the basket of gold (flower), the hornbeam and the swallows! There were no more worries...

Puis je me suis endormie...
Then I fell asleep...

[Truffula]

Malwene, thank you for your attempt to translate. And also I should thank Snatch who sent me a couple of translations, in PM. And of course thank you Mironohmaitre who (see her note below) wrote this poem!

I apologize for the following - I am very particular about the translation of poetry. I was unsatisfied with these translations because they seemed too literal... so, perhaps I have erred on the other side and been too free with changes, but here is my own attempt to translate the story of Mayblueline, wherein I have tried to capture the imagery and feeling as well as the details of nature described:



My Beloved Gaiara

While walking alongside the Kesuorith river, I came in view of the sea. I saw the sovereign waves, frittering away their froth, overflowing with remorse. I reminded myself of the alder and the nightingale, and left the estuary.

I followed the anemones, the columbine, and the nettle flowers that grew along the river. The wind rang the bell of the wood hyacinth, and swayed the heads of lacy blooms. I heard the song a nuthatch sang to me, and left the riverside.

I went deeper into the forest. A fallow buck bellowed lazily amid the hawthorn. I heard the sigh of the land, the lament of the bell heather, and let them call me away.

On each terrace, natural paints beautified the Green Mother, the gold alyssum, the white birch and the purple martin! All my impatience went away.

And so, I drifted off to sleep...

-----------
Translation notes on the above:
In the phrase "l'écume des jours" there seems to be an implication of wasted time. I thought the "days" are not meant literally here, so I changed it to "frittering away their froth" to pull that meaning into the English version.

The plant called "les lamiers" is named "dead nettle" in English but that's such an unattractive name so I used the more general "nettle flower" for them.

The animals called "les daims" are called fallow deer in English, but one is usually called a fallow buck or a fallow doe if it is male or female; since le daim was masculine I went with "fallow buck." The sound he makes, I asked on a translation forum about "brama" and was told the deer "bellows" so I went with that; the word "bellow" nearly rhymes with "fallow" so the sound is good too.

I thought that "pastelles" can be crayon or paint and since they were beautifying (embellishing, literally) Mother Nature, that I would use colors for the following animals; the "basket of gold" is called various things in English but one of them is golden alyssum; the hornbeam tree's name is literally "charm" in French, but hornbeam doesn't sound charming at all in English, and I found it was a member of the birch family, so I went with "white birches" here. And then finally "les hirondelles" can mean any bird called a swallow or a martin in English, and there was a purple martin, so it matched the theme of colors...

(added)
Because Mironohmaitre has said "soucis" was purposely used to mean both "worries" and "marigolds" I have changed the translation to "impatience" - because in English we call a flower "impatiens" pronounced the same way. (I guess this flower is also called "impatiens" in French? Not sure)

Please give me any critique on this translation especially if I have misunderstood the French meaning. Thank you.

[Mironohmaitre]

Hello ^^

Sorry my english is very bad ^^'

Thank you for the translation everyone My creature seems to pose some problems I should have done a less complicated text... uups
But "soucis" is also "marigold flower". There is a double meaning
So have a good day

[Truffula]

hi Mironohmaitre! Thank you for commenting. Your English is fine I have changed the stanza with "soucis" translation to incorporate your feedback about its double meaning, I hope you approve

I don't think you should regret the difficulty of your poem. It is a challenge I am doing hard work to comprehend and render it into English.

With that said, I was told by someone in the French-English forum that it has some misspellings - I think it will be easier to translate if you can fix them? Or, if they are on purpose, tell me the correct spelling of the word and then why you have used an alternate one (perhaps for another double meaning)? That will be very helpful in my efforts to get the best translation possible!

[Mironohmaitre]

hi Mironohmaitre! Thank you for commenting. Your English is fine I have changed the stanza with "soucis" translation to incorporate your feedback about its double meaning, I hope you approve

I don't think you should regret the difficulty of your poem. It is a challenge I am doing hard work to comprehend and render it into English.

With that said, I was told by someone in the French-English forum that it has some misspellings - I think it will be easier to translate if you can fix them? Or, if they are on purpose, tell me the correct spelling of the word and then why you have used an alternate one (perhaps for another double meaning)? That will be very helpful in my efforts to get the best translation possible!

Thank you ^^ Yes I approve !

I'll tell you the story: The minoushas leaves from the sea, follows a river, sinks into the forest and then falls asleep in the flowers. During her walk she sees and hears nature.

Oh no I make misspellings ! I'm so sorry, French grammar is too hard I asked Rostanga to correct the text. I found some mistakes, but there may be others..

"Ma chère Gaïara

En me promenant sur les rives du Kesuorith, j'ai vu la mer. Le flot impérial, l'écume des jours et l'écoulement des regrets. Je me suis souvenue de l'aulne et du rossignol puis je suis partie.

J'ai suivi les anémones, les ancolies et les lamiers qui longeaient le fleuve. Le vent faisait carilloner la jacynthe des bois et frémir l'ombelle de l'épervière. J'ai entendu la sittelle chanter puis je suis partie.

Je me suis enfoncée dans la forêt. Un daim brama langoureusement près de l'aubépine. J'ai entendu le soupir de la terre, la plainte de la bruyère cendrée puis je suis partie.

Chaque patio embellissait la Mère verte de ses pastelles naturelles, les corbeilles d'or, le charme et les hirondelles ! Il n'y avait plus de soucis...

Puis je me suis endormie..."

[Snatch]

Truffula, I think you seased the main meaning of the sentences. Translating poetry is quite hard, but I think that it's worked a lot, and your last translation sounds quite great.
I don't think I can help further on with this text ^^ (I'v never felt comfortable with poetry )

[Malwene]

My Beloved Gaiara

While walking alongside the Kesuorith river, I came in view of the sea. I saw the sovereign waves, frittering away their froth, overflowing with remorse. I reminded myself of the alder and the nightingale, and left the estuary.

I followed the anemones, the columbine, and the nettle flowers that grew along the river. The wind rang the bell of the wood hyacinth, and swayed the heads of lacy blooms. I heard the song a nuthatch sang to me, and left the riverside.

I went deeper into the forest. A fallow buck bellowed lazily amid the hawthorn. I heard the sigh of the land, the lament of the bell heather, and let them call me away.

On each terrace, natural paints beautified the Green Mother, the gold alyssum, the white birch and the purple martin! All my impatience went away.

And so, I drifted off to sleep...

Whoa! Can I say that there is translating and translating? I love what you did with the original text!
I am sorry that I am not too capable of translating poetry but you did an outstanding job!

I love the sound of "frittering away their froth" I had never heard it before! To me it goes with "flabergasted", one of those words that sounds so strange and that 99% of French people never heard before!

By the way, I thought deers and does and such animals bugled? Do you know of any place where I could learn more about animal sounds?

And when talking about the rivers, is my suggestion of "shores" wrong? Maybe it only applies to the sea shore?

I am always happy to have a native person to ask my stupid questions to... do let me know if I am asking too much ^^